By: Krystal Woods
What do you do when what you think is best is NOT the Lord’s will after all? How do you walk those situation well… how do you keep yourself in step with HIS will, in step with HIM?
It all started with love… so how can that be a bad thing? There were 3 kids that needed a home… and I wanted to give them one. They were in the foster care system and were placed with distant relatives of theirs, right next door to us. The home life situation was NOT ideal and even though the plan was made for our neighbors to adopt them; it crushed my heart to think of them living there. Within weeks of meeting them and getting to know them my heart beat for them to be happy and well loved. As I learned more and more of their story I felt so compelled to do something!! To be someone for them! To be a person in their life that would love them no matter what. They had a heartbreaking story but when I saw them I didn’t see their past I just saw their future, with me as their mother. My husband and kids loved them too so it made perfect sense to us to pursue the path of becoming their family. So we started the long process of becoming a “foster-to-adopt” family with the hopes of the Lord opening a way for us to adopt the 3 kids next door, whom we already loved. After countless hours of paper work, multiple interviews, tons of training, and a home safety inspection we were in the final stretch of getting approved to adopt!But it was NOT to be. It is well.
We were not going to get approved in time. Their adoption day was already set to be a month before our home study would be completed. I was devastated and as we got closer and closer to their adoption date and I knew that it was going to go through for them to be adopted by my neighbors, I began to realize that God was telling me “no”… to a good thing! I knew He was way big enough to handle the timing issue… but He didn’t change anything! We were all crushed and so confused. I remember Mother’s Day that year.. I woke up crying hysterically after a dream about them questioning me about not being adopted by us. I sobbed for hours and as I headed to church that day my eyes were swollen and my heart was so heavy. But… I had a choice to make now… how was I going to deal with God telling me “no” to something that felt so right and good. It isn’t a sinful thing to want to give kids a home so I didn’t know why He was telling me no.
I cried a lot and then I got angry but I didn’t stay that way long because my desire was to grow and learn how to walk this well. I wanted to be at peace with what the Lord had decided and full of joy at His will. I wanted to be able to celebrate
their adoption even though it meant I wasn’t going to be their mother. I already loved them like they were my own but it was not to be. It is well.
I remember asking Jesus: How do you want me to walk this? How can I be joyful when my heart is so broken? Of course, Jesus, being who He is was very quick to teach me that: He always knows best and He sees all things. He is always worthy of my faith and trust.
It doesn’t have to make sense to me for it to be true and right… for this to be HIS will; that is what TRUST and FAITH is. So to combat the urges to get angry and bitter and to question HIM and HIS will, I looked to scripture.
When thoughts would come to me that were not in alignment with what HE was doing I would look to 2 Corinthians 10:5: We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take EVERY THOUGHT captive to obey Christ. (ESV). Really this was one of the first times I actively tracked my thoughts and reeled them in and submitted them to Christ so they could be made obedient to HIS will. It was a beautiful growing time for me and the exercise of taking my thoughts captive is something I continue to grow in. The peace that comes from training your mind to be obedient to Christ and be joyful and not grumble about what is happening, is astounding and not of this world.
When words from other people who knew of the situation and were conflicted themselves over God’s will were shared with me, I would turn to scripture. I read how Jesus had to rebuke words shared that were not in alignment with God’s will for his life. As Jesus was sharing with his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things… and be killed, Peter responds in Matthew 16:22, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” And then Jesus’ response in verse 23 as he turns to Peter saying, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” During this time I really needed to guard what words I was allowing myself to hear even though at times it would have been easier to just sit and wallow with others in my misery. I couldn’t go down the path of listening to things that were not going to bring my spirit peace and obedience. I couldn’t let the words of men be louder than the words of the Lord.
Walking this season well for me was choosing peace, denouncing lies, not even tolerating them, recognizing Satan in people’s words and using my authority to reject those words and taking the lies from my own mind to Jesus to be demolished.
For me this experience was one that lead to growing FAITH and TRUST in HIM and to live out “IT IS WELL.”