By: Krystal Woods
I have to squint. This light is so bright and my eyes, without reminder from me, respond to the light created by sunbeams bouncing off snow. Winter is a season of barrenness; a season where once beautiful living things are cold, dormant and seeming to be without life. And yet, in this time of barrenness, the light is so bright and my eyes know what to do. They respond how they should, how their creator formed them to. How different my eyes are from my soul.
I wish I could tell you that I always respond to the light instinctively. That I would see it and run to it and let it wash me clean and fresh and vibrant. That just isn’t the case though, with a sinner like me. Sure, sometimes I walk through situations with clarity and truth and I am light-bearer. But at other times and in other situations, I falter, fumble and fail. Really horrifically, I fail. And people are wounded and pierced by me and what I have done.
I guess that’s where I am now. I’m in the “after walking.” At least that’s what I’m calling it. Walking with the Lord after a failing; a falling. Walking is kinda a strong word. Most days it looks like: crawling, laying prostrate on the ground, wailing; it’s different everyday. But walking is what I will call it for writing purposes. I really doubt we ever “walk” anyway, at least not much. I think we are carried by the Lord more than we ever walk. I mean He takes my burdens and carries them, right? (Psalm 68:19) What if my greatest burden is me? I just shout out to Him sometimes, “Ugh, Jesus, carry me! Do something with me! I am such a total mess and I mess up all the time! I don’t know what to do with ME!” What can I do when the burden is Me and all my brokenness? What do I do when I am my heaviest burden?
This is where I am now. A turning over of ME, myself to Him and His light again. His piercing light that isn’t a sun ray refracted and reflected, but rather the Son who is LUMINOUS in HIS very nature and who casts rays of light into the darkest dark with such brightness that the darkness CANNOT overcome it! (John 1:5) Oh Jesus, come be a light-bearer for this sinner. Come and show me all things hidden in the dark and overcome them with Your luminous truth. Show me how to do this “after walking” and not let me drown in guilt and shame over my failures. Rather, let me drown in the sea of your GRACE. Let me inhale into my lungs the breath of Your Holy Spirit, with all His comfort and power. Let me gulp into my belly the fire and cleansing that the cross provides for me and that I need, to be fully repentant and to turn from my wicked ways. Let me sink to the floor in front of my Father’s Throne of Mercy, where I can be at rest and heal and be restored. This sea of grace, that I want to drown in, is not an escape from correction, discipline and accountability, but rather an opportunity for transformation… for holiness to be planted and grown in a soul; in my soul. These are some truths that I’ve been sinking into lately, in this sea of grace I’m swimming in: “Grace that doesn’t lead to holiness isn’t grace at all”- Bill Johnson & “Grace doesn’t ever negate transformation- but always initiates it”- Ann Voskamp.
Lord, my prayer today is for those affected and broken over my failures. Let them be healed and made whole in You. Let them rest in Your all-sufficient grace that is enough to carry every burden and ache. Above all let Your love prevail and run deep because it covers a multitude of wrongs. (1 Peter 4:8) Reign in us mightily and let your light come against any and all darkness. In Jesus name, Amen.
– In grace, a daughter of the Most High God